for the last couple of months i have noticed that i been feeling a bit down, upset and a bit paranoid. i feel like a couple of people at college are judging me, making fun of my weight, how i talk and my sexuality( i'm not out). at college there been some people ask me stupid questions about me, i know they are insulting me, who the hell would ask people, do you want to kill yourself?,  how big is your top? XXXXL? or why are you gay? do u like it up the ass?. i just ignore them but one day he was insulting my family, my mum, my nan, my dad who i never met and i been told to ignore it by my mum and that what i did BUT what this ass hole said do u call you fat nan "big nanny" i was in shock and about to cry because my great grandmother passed away almost 3 years ago and when i was little me, my sister and cousins use to call her that because she was the oldest member in the family after when she passed away, i carry a coin that been given to me before she passed away. after he said that i ran out of the room and cycled to the other side of the island and didn't came back home until 8pm at night i went to the for a long cycle and sat on the bench at a place called green island untill i felt better. i tried to make friends with people on my course but i can't makes friends because some people just act like i'm not there and that makes me more and more upset. i have suffered enough, been down this road for 15 years and i ask for help to move down another path but not much help. i tried to see a counselor but whats the point, i have very little vaule to trust people. some of my family worries that i'm going to drop out or worst......my life been a bit hard latley and i tried to hide it but it's hard to be happy