Hey my beloved puppypride pack and welcome to my newest blog. Today i've to tell something serious.

Now i'm a active petplayer since 2 months and active in the scene. I meet some really nice pups and dogs und met my beautiful pupcrush too. This two months were wonderful. But... If the word "but" could be erased, it would be better. Much better. Meanwhile my human-side and Gerry begins to mix. Since weeks it doesn't happen one day, where I'm not Gerry. And now I realize, how it's push down the emotions of my human-side. I think about petplay more and more and get a bad feeling. I get the impression that Gerry want's to push out my human-side completely, because there is no chance to be not the dog for a single day. Or a week.
On the contrary: If my crush or my pupfriends contact me I want to answer as the dog. I want to write, call oder meet with them as Gerry. And now I reach the point of no return: it is hard for me to switch off the Doggy-Part. At the moment I'm afraid that I don't take enough time for my human-side.

But there are additional reasons that pushing the thoughts of pausing or ending the petplay and it's bothering me since few days. Petplay can destroy friendships hard. I talk about long time friendships. The drive of the animal in us trys to break our moral principles. And sometimes it wins. Sadly. And this can break our hearts in many pieces. And then friendship turns to hate and a lack of understanding. Maybe "hate" is a word which is too stron. But for one moment, it's feels like that. Really.
I don't have many humanfriends. But there that I have I won't lost. I love them. But my principles are clear an (for me) natural. As human sometimes I'm really paranoid. I check everything and I get the smallest changes of my world.

And with the breakout of Gerry has my human-side never gave up the control about him. Not really. My human-side is everytime here and takes attention. Imagine an electrical box. Is the dog-side to cocky or met dubious people, my human-side break through and stop the dog.
Vice versa is the same. Since I begun petplaying I have become more confident. I went out more in parks or in the city and reorganize things, that I do daily. I try to use my time more meaningful. You see, the petplaying has push me foreward.
Especially my sexual life is better no and I (re)discover things for me. But at the moment the negative aspects are really heave and become more and more and this starts a process which breaks the human-side.

This is the reason why I have to answer a for Gerry existential question. Do I pause the petplay or should I give it up forever, before I never find my peace. I love it to be Gerry. More as anyone thinks. It's make a good feeling do be my dog. But the aftermaths there gotta be pushed at the moment are too hard. I have a pawesome crush but the thoughts there coming in my head after meetings pulls me down. And i've to stop it! In the next time I think about this question how i don't supress Gerry but to let him fall in a sleep. I have to be moremyselbst. As Human. As I.