So the tags probably told you. I'm new to this. And this is probably just going to be me ranting out a load of thoughts that swirl in my head. But for anyone who bothers to read it, any advice, or even just support would be so apprieciated.

I remember the first time I saw a pup, It was London pride 2014. At the time I was confused, taken aback at the near naked men before me on all fours, leads around them to leather clad handlers (there was probably more to it than that, but this is how its stuck in my mind.) Although at the time I didnt care for it, the ideas (and arousal) have always stuck in my head.

Fast forward a couple years and a boyfriend points out to me "you turn into a dog when you are happy and relaxed" and I had no idea what they meant. (plus was a tad offended which thinking back is really a shame.) And now, a couple more years and relationships later, I get it. When i really let go of myself i begin to present myself for belly rubs, nuzzle into people when I'm content, sit on beds with my front, (oh god I really want to say paws), between my legs. When Im happy i start wagging my butt, and sometimes say "wag wag wag" when i run out of ways to express it. The list goes on.

But then an certain issue arrises. I have never had any desires that could even vaigly be called kinks before. But yet here I am. Wanting the hood, a collar, a tail, pads, everything that can help me express this side of me.

The most recent and closest I'd ever come to expressing my desires to a partner that I want to experience puppy play was when randomly in bed I told my boyfriend of three years that i wish I had a collar so that the world would know I belong to him. This freaked him out, alot. And I expressed that ive been looking at more and more puppy play content, and I want to try it, but don't know how or who to ask. (pssst this is me asking!!!) Because I am nervous and want to experience it postively and embrace this side of myself.

He has been supportive, but considerably withdrawn, and I doubt that he'd be comfortable being a handler as, like me, is quite passive.

But I still don't know. Where do you start? I want a hood, but feels like a big first step, and who know if that will set off claustrophobia, which I dont have, but is still somehow a concern.

Also there is wanting to introduce my boyfriend to it all, preferably without freaking him out too much.

I guess a guiding paw would be really helpful right now.

All the woofs and wags.

Z.

(Name to be confirmed as I grow into myself, how does one even pick a name, for some reason "Z" just resonates with me.)