I am unsure how to start this. I mean, I normally would bottle up things. I have done so all my life.

It's one of those things the stubborn Scottish guy has been known to do...or is that just me.

I'm fat...I hate it. I know what people think. "it's your body, you don't like it...make that change". Easier said than done. I need an over-active thyroid gland for a week to help me out methinks.

I don't wanna come over as being some sort of victim here as that is not my intent. I wasn't always this huge. I remember being skinny. For a long long time, I felt I was too skinny with a 30" waist. Damn I miss that 30" waist lol. Then schooling ended, the work career took off. Spent over 14 years working in a restaurant - my downfall...the weight piled on, the extra mass around the stomach, the thighs, the ass (although that was always thicc if I am going to be honest). I would still drown, but my ass would be afloat, if I passed out and fell into a swimming pool). For a long time the weight would go up and down, but never down enough before it started to pile on once more.

Thankfully though, I have never been body shamed, except by myself. Well, that is a lie...I just remembered a few times one of my ex bosses did say to me that I was getting big (and not in a flattering way). Some say I am a sexy bear....but annoys me when I see all those lovely pups in gear and I know I could never look that amazing - no matter how much I try.

Enough of this negativity though, right? You have to play the hand you are dealt with and hopefully, one day, I will return to a size I feel more comfortable with....as long as it is a size where I can look good to feel appreciated.

Love you all.

T x